Dear Diary,

I dunn0 wads happening to my life. Izzit me or izzit everyone. Everyone keeps asking me to change my attitude. Im still da same old naqiah wot. I feel all alone in this lonely werld. Everyone's against me. I juz dunno y. am i suffering from schizophrenia? of cuz not. i wish i was. my family mean nutink to me. the person i luv da moz left me a long tyme ago. and now he wants me back. u bet i was thrilled? hell no..in ur dreamz. i lurved him yes, that was true, but n0t now. and when i told him da awful truth, he sweared at me and called me hurtful names. i feel lyke im nutink 0redi. as im typing dis, my tears are welling up and there is a hot feeling in my throat. i feel lyke there is an escape to all dis and dat is 2 die. i hope dat when i die, they would regret al their lonliness and actions. im so confused. what are da ways to commit suicide? the oh-s0-p0pular of cuz is jumping off buildings, 2nd is cutting myself and thirdly is p0pping pills. f0r me i gez, da bez way to commit suicide is allowing da person hu hates me so much to stab me with a knife. that way, i noe they are satisfied. tears are rolling down my cheeks. i noe dis is n0t da s0luti0n. i feel like packing my bags and going far,far away where u all wont even noe i existed. y was i even brought into dis werld? sumone better could have taken over my place on earth. i gez i was born to suffer. To sham, i still remember wad u juz said. ''i setia pade u, abeh u buat i cam gini! jalan da! u blah p0n cantek. ade ramai lagi yg menanti. namer jer stead!'' i still keep da sms 0k. and i was relli angry at 1st. but after awhile, i was thinking 2 myself, y did i even treat him that way? maybe i relli did changed. but h0w and y? s0 many questi0ns are still left unanswered. i h0pe sum0ne will c0me al0ng and answer dem. in the meantime, i'll juz cry myself to sleep. i need to let it all out & that's y i decided to type it here. sumhow, raya dis year wont be as cheerful. nk harapkan kwn..hah..wad a j0ke..kwn p0n tk kesah..wadeva..juz da same goes to my family..